misc

Night Before Xmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas and an asteroid the size of a football stadium hit a little town named Middleboro
Not a person or beast survived along the whole East Coast with rescue personnel racing from far and beyond
In hopes that at least one person would have survived
While visions of the destruction raced in everyone heads
And when they arrived at the heart of the destruction
What they found was the beginning of a full scale alien invasion
Lead by our fearless President Donald J Trump
The army sprang into action to see if they could stop the onslaught of aliens as they invaded
The aliens tore into the army like a child opening a Christmas day present
All seemed doomed to all around
When what to our wonder an object appeared out of the blue
But another flying saucer not unlike the ones laying waste to our army
With a sharply dressed gray alien at the helm and the one they call SPACE GOAT riding shotgun
The two warring parties knew right away that these two hooligans were not here to help
When they whizzed by the carnage on the battlefield
And right for the only building left standing for miles and miles
A all night packaged store with a special on malt liquor
The sharply dressed gray alien shouted commands to his mighty companion; “Now SPACE GOAT! Get off your lazy ass and grab me all the vodka, rum, whiskey, tequila and malt liquor you can carry!”
With a flash, the one called SPACE GOAT was gone in a blink
It seemed to take only a few seconds before SPACE GOAT returned with boxes, of boxes, of every kind of liquor that the ‘The Mother of Fuckers’ SPACE GOAT could carry
With a shimmering gleam in his eyes the sharply dressed gray alien shouted; “Let’s get the fuck out of here before the bitches miss us!”
And as they fired up their engines
and blasted over the field of chaos
The sharply dressed gray alien could be heard saying one last thing before they were out of sight;
“A final gift to you from your pals Fancy Dan and Motherfucking SPACE GOAT!”
Then the hatch area of flying saucer opened and thousands of gift-wrapped missiles, (each with handwritten notes wishing everyone ‘A Very Brady Christmas’) rained down on the two warring factions
Without a second thought the two were gone as quickly as they appeared
Leaving behind a simple chemtrail message in the night sky; ‘Have Yourself A Fucking Merry Christmas’

(Apologies to Clement Clarke Moore)
XOXO

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